Short Sermon: Setting Standards on Love, Courtship and Marriage

Today, I want to talk to you about a topic that is both timeless and crucial for our Christian journey: setting standards in love, courtship, and marriage.

In a world that often promotes fleeting and shallow relationships, it is essential for us to ground our pursuit of love in the principles of God’s Word and the guidance found in the writings of Sis. Ellen G. White.

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, NKJV).

“Marriage was divinely established in Eden and affirmed by Jesus to be a lifelong union between a man and a woman in loving companionship. For the Christian, a marriage commitment is to God as well as to the spouse, and should be entered into only between a man and a woman who share a common faith.” » Ellen G. White, Thoughts From the Mount of Blessing, pp. 64, 65

Marriage is a blessing that God gave to men and women at the very beginning—in Eden! We can truly love someone only when we are in a right relationship with God.

Love and Friendship – Proverbs 17:17

In Proverbs 17:17, we are reminded, “A friend loves at all times.” This verse emphasizes the importance of building a foundation of friendship in any romantic relationship. Sis. Ellen G. White similarly underscores the significance of a strong friendship as the basis for lasting love.

She writes, “The true love of the heart is not awakened until every other affection is hushed.” (The Adventist Home, p. 51)

Therefore, when seeking a partner, look for someone who shares your faith and values, and with whom you can build a deep and lasting friendship.

Purity and Modesty – 1 Corinthians 6:18

1 Corinthians 6:18 warns us, “Flee from sexual immorality.” In a world that often glorifies impurity and immodesty, it is essential to uphold the biblical standard of purity in our relationships.

“You should guard your thoughts; keep them pure; elevate your soul to pure, unselfish love.” (Messages to Young People, p. 464)

By maintaining purity in your thoughts, actions, and dress, you honor God and prepare yourself for a marriage that is pleasing to Him.

Seeking God’s Guidance – Proverbs 3:5-6

Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.”

When it comes to choosing a life partner, it is crucial to seek God’s guidance through prayer and surrendering your will to His.

“Those who are seriously seeking for a companion should seek the Lord most earnestly, while in this important matter they cry unto Him day and night.” (Messages to Young People, p. 454)

Commitment and Selflessness – Ephesians 5:25

In Ephesians 5:25, we read, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This verse teaches us about the sacrificial love that should exist in marriage. “In every possible way cultivate patience, kindness, and love for one another.” (The Adventist Home, p. 117)

In your courtship and marriage, remember the selflessness exemplified by Christ’s love for the church.

In choosing your friends, look for the person that loves God above all else. Respect yourself and your future by setting your standards according to God’s plan for your life. Ask God to help you to remain pure and never let someone talk you into doing something that makes you uncomfortable or lowers God’s standard for your life.

It’s so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that looking good is all that matters, and that giving in to every urge is the way to go. God’s Word holds up a different standard. God wants us to treasure and value our sexuality and to use it only at the right time within the boundaries of married life. When the use of sexuality begins too early or inappropriately, it loses its value, and deep scars and relationship issues arise that last a lifetime.

God made you a guy or a girl, with the body, the hormones, the emotions, and the desires you have. And God wants to help you learn to channel those desires into the right kind of relationship at the right time.

If you make the choice to remain sexually pure, what does that mean? It will likely mean walking out of step with the culture around you. But, that shouldn’t stop you from holding on to your gift of sexuality.

Someday, God will bring into your life the person you will marry. What a joy and delight you both will have in giving yourselves to each other.

Be willing to be different. You will only spare yourself lots of heartbreak. Don’t allow yourself to be in situations that blur the lines between right and wrong. By remaining pure, you will hold on to your reputation and someday share your purity with the person who loves, respects, and values you.

You will need to take a stand at times to walk out of step with society— to value God’s gifts to you and keep yourself morally pure for your lifelong partner. But such a commitment will be worth everything!

In conclusion, dear youth, as Seventh-day Adventists, we are called to set high standards in our love, courtship, and marriage based on the principles of God’s Word. Let us prioritize friendship, purity, seeking God’s guidance, and selfless commitment in our relationships. By doing so, we honor God’s design for love and marriage and set a Christ-like example for the world.

May God bless you as you navigate the beautiful journey of love, courtship, and marriage in a way that brings glory to His name.

Amen.

AY Program Idea: Winsome… and then some.

“After she had given him a drink, she said, ‘I’ll draw water for your camels too, until they have had enough to drink.’ ” (Genesis 24:19, NIV)

Introduction

Abraham was now very old, and the Lord had blessed him in every way. He said to Eliezer, a senior servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had, ‘Put your hand under my thigh. I want you to swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son Isaac.’

Then the servant left, taking with him ten of his master’s camels. Then he prayed, ‘Lord. May it be that when I say to a young woman, “Please let down your jar that I may have a drink,” and she says, “Drink, and I’ll water your camels too”—let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master.’ “Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. . . . The woman was very beautiful, a virgin. She went down to the spring, filled her jar and came up again.

The servant hurried to meet her and said, ‘Please give me a little water from your jar.’ “ ‘Drink, my lord,’ she said, and quickly lowered the jar to her hands and gave him a drink. “After she had given him a drink, she said, ‘I’ll draw water for your camels
too, until they have had enough to drink.’ ”

“Then the man bowed down and worshiped the Lord, saying, ‘Praise be to the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who has not abandoned his kindness and faithfulness to my master.’ ”

It was a time of anxious thought with Eliezer. Important results, not only to his master’s household, but to future generations, might follow from the choice he made; and how was he to choose wisely among entire strangers? Remembering the words of Abraham, that God would send His angel with him, he prayed earnestly for positive guidance. In the family of his master he was accustomed to the constant exercise of kindness and hospitality, and he now asked that an act of courtesy might indicate the maiden whom God had chosen” (Patriarchs and Prophets, p. 172).

Approximately half of marriages today are still arranged by the parents. Such was the custom in Abraham’s day. Abraham was 140 years old (Sarah had died three years earlier) when he arranged for the marriage of his son Isaac. Abraham entrusted the matchmaking to his chief servant, Eliezer.

So solemn was this assignment, Eliezer placed his hand under Abraham’s thigh to swear that Isaac’s wife would not be found among the Canaanites. The thigh was considered the seat of generative power, so to put the hand under a person’s thigh was to promise obedience to the one requiring the oath.

Activity/Group Dynamic Questions:

These questions can spark thoughtful and insightful discussions among the youth or the participants about love, courtship, and marriage. Encourage them to share their opinions and experiences, and provide guidance and support as needed. Group participants according to age groups. (Some questions may not apply to the married members/participants, revise the questions to make it apply to them, like for their children or based from their experience).

1. Rank the following attributes from 1 (most important) to 10 (least important) in the order you hope to find them in your future spouse.
   • Kindness
   • Honesty
   • Attractiveness
   • Contentment
   • Optimism
   • Selflessness
   • Courage
   • Self-confidence
   • Humility
   • Creativity/Talented
   • God fearing
   • Intelligence
   • Wealth
2. Why is your first choice so important to you?
3. What do you imagine will be the hardest quality to find in a spouse? Why?
4. When you think about how your life unites with someone else’s, how much do you think it matters that the key qualities in your list are present?
5. What person in the Bible exhibited this attribute?
6. Would you ever marry a person who did not have this quality? Why or why not?
7. How does Isaac’s story inform our understanding of modern romance?
8. What character qualities do you see in: Abraham, Eliezer, Rebekah and Isaac?
9. What do you think is the main reason this story is included in the Bible? What do you think God is trying to say to you in this story about love and marriage?
10. How do you feel about praying similarly like Eliezer?
11. What role do you think faith should play in a relationship?
12. How can you honor God in your dating/courtship relationship?

Highlights/Points/Conclusion:

Rebekah models the beautiful trait of offering a gesture of kindness and “then some.” Notice how she goes beyond the expected response, as Eliezer had prayed someone would do.

When it comes to choosing a spouse, physical appearance alone is not enough. A person’s character, values, and beliefs are just as important. Choosing wisely is important because it can greatly impact our happiness and fulfillment in life.

Choosing a spouse who is winsome, meaning attractive and charming, is important because it can help to build a strong and healthy relationship. A winsome spouse is someone who is easy to be around, enjoyable to talk to, and brings joy and happiness to the relationship.

However, it is also important to choose a spouse who is “then some,” meaning someone who is more than just attractive and charming. A “then some” spouse is someone who has good character, is responsible, and shares your values and beliefs. A spouse who is “then some” is someone who will support you, encourage you, and work together with you to build a strong and healthy marriage.

Rebekah is often held up as an example of a woman who had both physical beauty and a strong character. She demonstrated kindness, hospitality, and a willingness to serve others (Genesis 24:18-25). She was also a woman of faith who trusted in God’s plan for her life.

Ellen White observes Eliezer’s earnest desire to be guided by God in choosing a wife for Isaac. The decision was too pivotal for thoughtless choosing. Praying like Eliezer to find a spouse involves seeking God’s guidance and trusting in His plan for your life. Here are some steps to follow:

1. Pray for guidance: Start by asking God to guide you in your search for a spouse. Ask Him to reveal His will for your life and to help you recognize the person He has chosen for you.
2. Seek wise counsel: Talk to trusted friends, family members, and spiritual leaders for advice and support. They can help you discern God’s will and provide guidance and encouragement along the way.
3. Set your standards: Consider the qualities and values that are important to you in a spouse. Make a list of non-negotiable and keep them in mind as you search for a partner.
4. Prioritize character over appearance: While physical attraction is important, it is more important to focus on a person’s character and values. Look for someone who shares your beliefs and values, and who treats others with kindness and respect.
5. Consider compatibility: Consider whether you and your partner are compatible in important areas such as faith, interests, and life goals.
6. Address red flags: If you notice any red flags or warning signs in the relationship, address them openly and honestly with your partner. Don’t ignore them or hope they will go away.
7. Be patient: Finding the right person takes time, so be patient and trust in God’s timing. Remember that He knows what is best for you and will lead you to the right person when the time is right.
8. Take your time: Rushing into a relationship or marriage can lead to regrets later on. Take your time getting to know the person and don’t rush into anything.
9. Trust in God: Finally, trust in God’s plan for your life. Even if things don’t go according to your plans, trust that God is in control and has a plan for your future.
10. Keep God at the center. Make sure God is at the center of your relationship and marriage. Pray together, attend church together, and seek to grow in your faith together.

The experience of marriage and building a God-honoring relationship over the years is one of life’s most noble adventures. “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22, NIV). This is true also for a young woman who would find a good man to marry.

Our teachings emphasize the importance of selecting a spouse who shares your faith and values. The Bible teaches that believers should not be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). Therefore, it is important to choose a spouse who shares your commitment to Christ.

Our principles also stress the importance of getting to know your potential spouse before making a lifelong commitment. This process is called courtship, and it involves spending time together, getting to know each other’s families, and seeking guidance from trusted mentors and church leaders.

During courtship, couples are encouraged to prioritize spiritual growth and seek God’s guidance in their relationship. They should also be honest and transparent with each other about their values, beliefs, and goals for the future.

The Bible teaches that relationships are an important aspect of our lives, and that we are meant to love and care for one another.

Jesus himself said, “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you” (John 15:12). He also said that the greatest commandment is to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:28-31).

God created us to be in relationship with Him and with others. In the book of Genesis, we see that God created Eve as a companion for Adam, saying that it was not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). He also designed the family unit, with parents and children, to be a place of love, support, and care.

While relationships can sometimes be challenging, they can also bring great joy and fulfillment to our lives. When we love and care for others, we reflect God’s love and character, and we experience the joy that comes from being a blessing to others.

God truly intended for our joy to be complete, and part of that joy is experienced in our relationships with others. By loving and caring for one another, we reflect God’s love and character, and we experience the joy that comes from being a blessing to others.

Some Sources: Cornerstone Lessons

Mated but not Matched

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5

Love, courtship and marriage. A very sensitive and important topic for the SDA youth out there. I have been asked quite a number of times in regard to this matter as well…. There are a number of advice from the writing of Ellen G. White as well to further shed light in to this topic. I recommend that you read the Messages to the Young People, The Adventist Home and other books of EGW to answer all your questions.

I would like to share some notes I got from a recently concluded Youth Convention by one of our church friends.

 

Mated but not Matched.

 

These days we sometimes ask, “why are there so many young people who do not earnestly follow God’s clear counsels?”.

The answer is very simple, it is because it would require a total change in their comfort level and lifestyle. Yes, we have grown accustomed to this world that changing the way we live simply take a heavy toll on us. We cannot let go of the love of the world that we forget and simply deny God’s call on us.

We see broken families, adultery, divorce and abortion and we think it’s normal. What happened to morality?

Television, movies, worldly music, worldly ideas on love and romance and novels all are major destroyers of family ties. These things glamorizes sin, promotes vices like drinking and smoking, ridicules modesty and all christian graces, it pictures sin as exciting and romantic, it instigates rebellion and animosity in the family, it promotes lewdness and sexual promiscuity.

And because of these we reap the whirlwind, we gain the consequences of these influence by having broken homes, unhappy unions, single-parents, teenage pregnancy, sexual diseases, date rapes, abortion, divorce. The numbers are increasing every minutes.

Where are our moral compass?

These days the youth cannot even distinguish love from lust? love from infatuation?

They seem to think that if it feels good, and it feels right then it must be right. Which is totally wrong!

Here are some myths that all christian youth should be aware of:

Myth #1: I need a boyfriend or girlfriend to overcome my loneliness and fulfill my social needs.

Myth #2: A necessary part of maturing is having someone with whom you can share your affections and trust. Dating fulfills this need.

Myth #3: Physical affection in dating is normal, natural and okay, just keep it under control.

Myth #4: Dating was the way how adults found their spouses and it didn’t hurt the. SO it must be okay for our youths today.

Myth #5: If you don’t date, you will lose out to others who are dating and marrying the best ones.

The above mentioned myths are certainly preposterous in various levels. In a young age, the youth must be more of a tool for service by their parents and by God and the church than to think of lovesick sentimentalism.

Studies have shown that early marriages and early exposure to romance can lead to ill prepared homes in the future. You might have been mated but it is not matched. This type of relationship will lead you to a lifelong misery which will lead to spiritual death.

Marriage, in a majority of cases, is a most galling yoke. There are thousands that are mated but not matched. The books of heaven are burdened with the woes, the wickedness, and the abuse that lie hidden under the marriage mantle. This is why I would warn the young who are of a marriageable age to make haste slowly in the choice of a companion.  AH 44.1

What should we do? You may ask…

Seek out the advice of your godly parents or your local pastors. Love and marriage are established in God’s word, we have the creation model and Christ’s relationship to the church to take example of.

Be always at guard young ones. One may seem to think of harmless friendships but out actions may beg to differ.

Flirtation:

– Typically starts at an age too young to marry

– Meeting someone in a questionable place

– Purpose is personal, pleasure, fun and recreation. No strings attached.

– Date is usually planned by the youths themselves

– Guidance by parents and church leasers is resented as an intrusion

– Complete privacy is expected by the youths and permitted by some parents

– Physical affection is expected, tolerated and allowed.

– Romantic feelings for multiple partners causes wounded feelings.

– Dating is rooted in selfish, feeling-oriented love: “falling in love”.

– Wounded heart produces scars, bitterness and insecurities.

– Conscience is generally defiled and seared by impurity.

– Future marriage is troubled by past emotional bonds, unrealistic comparison and appetite for variety.

Biblical Courtship:

– Marriage pursued only after thorough preparation

– Meet one another through family or church gatherings and with parental investigation and approval

– The goals of courtship is commitment to marry.

– Courtship is supervised by parents with cooperation of son or daughter.

– Oversight by parents is required and welcomed for moral protection

– Privacy is disallowed or avoided. Chaperoned time together, usually at family home, church or approved events.

– Physical affection is reserved entirely for marriage.

– Pure, whole-hearted romantic feelings saved for future spouse

– Courtship is rooted in a selfless commitment-oriented love: “growing in love”.

– Heart is protected by one romance for life.

– Conscience is kept clear through a pure relationship.

– Future marriage is free from “baggage of dating”.

 

What should a Seventh-Day Adventist youth do?

1.) Maximize your singleness for God.

2.) Be a Virtuous Woman. God fearing and diligent in home duties, trustworthy and time conscious, wise in speech, her beauty, charm and manners radiates.

3.) Be a Virtuous Man. He does not allow lust to his heart and eyes. Does not enrich himself through deceit. Not defiled morally or sexually. He is kind and generous to the needy. He is honorable and he disdains hypocrisy. Financially able to start a family.

4.) DO NOT PURSUE A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP UNTIL YOU ARE READY TO MARRY!

5.) Do not have a romantic relationship with someone who is an unbeliever.

6.) The man should initiate he relationship and the woman will only respond if he passes the biblical standard.

7.) Look for God’s providence.

8.) Use modern technology wisely, carefully and prayerfully.

9.) GUARD YOUR HEART.

10.) Pursue only someone you love. Do not have any sexual intimacies until marriage.

 

There is a time for everything. DO not hasten to jump into marriage or into any forms of relationship. You are young and you can use your talents for service in God.

Good things come to those who patiently wait.

“If those who are contemplating marriage would not have miserable, unhappy reflections after marriage, they must make it a subject of serious, earnest reflection now.” The Adventist Home, page 43 

“Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these things God will bring thee into judgment.” Ecclesiastes 11:9 

 

 

Hoping to be a blessing,

Chummie

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello and Welcome

 

Hello everyone. And welcome to our blog. this happens to be the first post in here so I am kinda excited to write about it.

This blog aims to connect with SDA youth and non-SDA youth around the world, to share with each other our ideas and inspirations to further ignite our spirits in Christ.

The need to blog about it came every time I try to search online for ideas on how to further make our Adventist Youth Sabbath afternoon programs more fun and worthwhile. Although there are a lot of websites around with very creative and interesting ideas, only a few can be done in our church and only a few (sad to say 😦 ) are within the principles of Adventism.

So instead of looking for one, I am making one to help others. Me and my fellow youth leaders in our church are very much excited to share with all of you our program ideas and other encouragements that you can use in your own churches.

Stay tuned for a whirlwind of ideas coming your way. All designed to uplift, encourage and inspire all youths as we travel heavenward.